News

The Daily Mirror realises that Big Brother is front page material. This clear, lucid purity is the very reason that the Daily Mirror is rich and going to heaven, whilst you are all poor, lonely and will spend all eternity fighting off rapists in Jeremy Kyle masks.

Big Brother is happening. Now.

Meanwhile in non-Britain some foreign people died in a bomb or...

Snow is happening and that's a fact.

Being the custodians of news, we felt a strong urge to file a complete report on the latest weather happenings so that people could stay abreast of the snow situation without being burdened by the need to crane their necks around to see a window.

In order to file a report of this nature we teamed up with the most studious...

To mark the passing of another decade, we condense, concatenate and consolidate the last 3652 days into 100 choice words. Here is what has happened.

Millennium Bug. DotCom Bust. George Bush II. Avian Flu. Tower One. TV News Crews and BOOM. Tower Two. al-Qaeda. 9/11. al-Qaeda. 9/11. Osama in cave. al-Qaeda. 9/11. Afghanistan, Taliban. Euro expansion. Media...

Ad-hoc Iraqi leaders have had a quiet little vote and decided that elections can now safely take place in the troubled desert bomb-pan.

Ethnic groups inside the country, with nicknames like 'Sunny' and 'Shearer', presumably have opinions about the elections and it is expected that those opinions may or may not translate into terrorist attacks, depending on which...

Scunt has thrown its 1's and 0's behind the only man it believes has the testicular diametricity to save Britain.

Conservative leader David Cameron.

Initially it may seem strange that a seemingly liberal news organisation like Scunt News would back a man who prides himself on his "leering smugness" and once openly described himself as "an incorrigible monster...

Mere days after expressing his opinion that cannabis shouldn't have been reclassified from a class C drug to a class B, the government's chief drug adviser, Professor David Nutt, has been sacked.

The clue is obviously in the name Nutt: Nutt-job, Nutt-case, Nutt-er, Nutt-y Professor. No doubt all of these hilarious portmanteaus will be wheeled out of the red-top...

Good old War Crimes 'ey?

The aphoristic, sententious, gnomic Serbian General Radovan Karadzic has failed to appear for his own war-crimes tribunal in the Hague this week, and is demanding that he be given a further 9 months to prepare his case.

The Bosnian War (for want of a better title) was a complex affair, and remains the bloodiest battle in Europe since...

Jan Moir; a self-confessed member of the middle-aged, middle-class hate brigade, has written an article in the Daily Mail newspaper attacking homosexual pop star Stephen Gately a mere week after the young man died suddenly while on holiday in Majorca.

With a level of arrogant vitriol surpassed only by every other Daily Mail writer (past, present or future), she...

Postal workers are threatening to ruin Christmas unless their employer, the Royal Mail, succumbs to their demands for improved pay and working conditions.

The union's strike action will be coupled with a radical plan known as Project X-mas, designed to create national confusion and chaos during the mandatory season of goodwill and cheer.

“The threat is simple...