Submitted by Dom Doze on 7 January 2010 - 7:19pm
Snow is happening and that's a fact.
Being the custodians of news, we felt a strong urge to file a complete report on the latest weather happenings so that people could stay abreast of the snow situation without being burdened by the need to crane their necks around to see a window.
In order to file a report of this nature we teamed up with the most studious of the British broadsheets (Telegraph) and conducted some British bloody research.
We instructed a nervous man to sit in a hard wooden chair where he was asked daunting questions about snow by a scientist dressed in a manner befitting Stanley Milgram. We would then allow him to compile his thoughts and publish them; thus aiding mankind.
Sadly the man died during questioning.
Under EU Legislation, his final living words constitute an official report; and we along with all other news sources are legally obliged to print them in full. Here is that final report:
I hate the snow. Bloody Snow.
Running out of grit? what's all that about?
Bloody gritters, always unprepared for snow.
Bloody Snow.
Bloody snow indeed. If any of you are not phased by his cryptic warning then go out and enjoy the white, but don't forget to send us your pictures of snow for the 'your pictures of snow' section. Really, we need those pictures to survive.
the gritters are a little bit twatty though. bloody twats.
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