Submitted by Dom Doze on 29 July 2009 - 2:09pm
Hey Britain! Remember the "barbecue summer" we promised?
Good news! We're calling it off!
You didn't really like it anyway did you? It was too hot wasn't it. You remember the sweat? Sticky nights, pretty much unbearable inside or on public transport.
Maybe for the Spaniards, but not here in England. No thank you. A day or two is one thing but a whole summer of it? We thought not.
So as a favour we have cancelled the 'blistering summer warning' and replaced it with a 'squalid drizzle forecast.'
Sunshine only makes you all delusional and cheery anyway. This is miserable England for Christ's sake. Any more sun and you'll all be strutting around, grinning at each other like Americans.
"Have a nice day!" you'll drawl.
But you're English. You don't want people to have a nice day. You want to be wrapped up warm, staring through the rain covered window at people who are having a miserable one.
That you shall have. The Met Office; wishing you a tolerable summer.
