Haiti Bad Thing

The Daily Mirror realises that Big Brother is front page material. This clear, lucid purity is the very reason that the Daily Mirror is rich and going to heaven, whilst you are all poor, lonely and will spend all eternity fighting off rapists in Jeremy Kyle masks.

Big Brother is happening. Now.

Meanwhile in non-Britain some foreign people died in a bomb or something. Some sort of big bomb. And we think Bill Clinton was involved.

How he was involved is unclear. Sky News didn't really specify. Lets just hope they track him down before its too late.

We were forced to turn to Sky for the story because the Daily Mirror (our go-to paper) didn't prioritise the information in a way that suggested the disaster was particularly important.

Then again, perhaps it wasn't important.

I mean, So what yeah? Shit happens. And there are upsides too; think about the economy, try competing with us first-worlders for Japanese imports with your Corn Exchange half-a-mile under the drink you mugs. Heh. That'll teach them for living somewhere else. Teach 'em that plus a whole lot of other things besides.

And it taught us something too; it taught us the value, importance and infallibility of the Daily Mirror.

Without you sweet tome, we are but nothing.