Submitted by Dom Doze on 1 July 2009 - 1:53pm
Unconfirmed reports from the underworld suggest that the global heatwave is being fuelled by the furnace of Hell as it is notched ever higher in order to burn the poly-synthetic body of the dead superstar Michael Jackson.
Jackson's crime, of course, was choosing the wrong religion while on earth.
The former singer spent time as a Jehovah's Witness, a Muslim and a Kuballite.
Sadly, none of these faiths were correct and, quite obviously, the only belief system that God recognises is the Apostolic branch of the Pentecostal Christian Church.
Jackson will clearly be feeling a little sheepish. But at least in death, just like in life, he makes the world a slightly warmer place.
Scunt reporting from its bed, in old boxer-shorts, next to an inadequate oscilating fan.
