Postman Pat Crosses Picket Line

Yesterday morning, residents of a small Cumbrian village woke up to the sound of an angry mob.

A gang of Royal Mail strikers were protesting outside of the Greendale sorting office: members of the Communication Workers Union have called strikes across the country, causing huge backlogs of mail to pile up in sorting offices.

However, despite Royal Mail's attempts to seize power in a manner not dissimilar to the Huns, the British spirit has not been completely drunk. One lone Postman has ignored the angry jeers from workmates and bravely crossed the picket line, to the encouraging cheers of residents and local businesses.

Pat Clifton, 53 couldn't face seeing his friends not get their mail on time. The mild mannered Postman said "I've been delivering the post here in Greendale for nearly thirty years, and no strike action is going to make me betray the trust of the friends I've built up during that time."

Postman Pat is already well known in the area following his recent marriage to his black and white cat, Jess (pictured below with Pat), which caused huge division and controversy in the Anglican Church.

Postman Pat understands that his workmates are upset but believes there could be a peaceful solution to the problem: "Of course I find the privatisation of the post office to be as terrible a move as the next post man, but if I don't deliver this round then an ill-trained and unhygienic 'casual' worker will take my place. I need this job to pay for my new helicopter, which former lovers of my traditional show will be dismayed to hear I have."

He continued "I'm sure that if every other Postman was married to a black and white cat, had a helicopter, an eco-van and starred in their own much-loved television show then this problem would never have arisen in the first place".

How true.