Postal Workers Threaten To Mix Up Christmas Cards

Postal workers are threatening to ruin Christmas unless their employer, the Royal Mail, succumbs to their demands for improved pay and working conditions.

The union's strike action will be coupled with a radical plan known as Project X-mas, designed to create national confusion and chaos during the mandatory season of goodwill and cheer.

“The threat is simple,” said Shirley Van Borre, spokeswoman for the Postal Workers Union (PWU), “if we don’t get the concessions we are asking for, then postmen will mix up the Christmas cards. People will receive goodwill messages from complete strangers, and their own annual greetings will arrive on the doorsteps of unintended recipients. Such a move will cause huge embarrassment among the insular citizens of this stoic island.”

This action will have a potentially devastating effect upon the UK’s Christmas spirit, which had only recently started to recover following a string of depressing Christmases in the early part of the decade. The Commission for Peace and Merriment (CPM) estimates that levels could even drop below those of 2002, known by many as Black Christmas.

It's clear that workers are unhappy with their current situation. Gaz Kooball, a supervisor at the Royal Mail Sorting Office in Plymouth, explained some of the feeling behind this movement, “We’re all right behind it. I mean, we don’t want to spoil Christmas for everyone, but sometimes you’ve just got to take a stand, you know? It's always a bit too cold where we work, or too hot in summer, and forty-five minutes for lunch isn’t enough, they should just give us an hour. And we want normal cups for the water-cooler, those paper cones are shit; you can’t even take them back to your desk because if you put them down they fall over and get the letters all wet. It's ridiculous, we need proper cups, or possibly little holders for the paper cones”

Government officials are advising Britons to help thwart the potential nationwide embarrassment the postal workers' plans could cause by either sending out blank Christmas cards or addressing all cards 'to whom it may concern'.