Submitted by Dani Nicci on 30 May 2009 - 12:34am
The Chelsea versus Everton final today is akin to Money versus Spunk, Goliath versus a slighter smaller Goliath, buying happiness versus working for it. In short, this weekends match will decide the fate of society's perception of wealth for days to come.
If Chelsea win there will be a furious fiscal armageddon; if Everton win people will happily give away their possessions.
Chelsea's owner recently mocked the gloomy economic climate by divulging that he feeds his three goldfish lavender-infused French snowflakes from Harrods.
Several men in a pub remarked on the match, likening their expectations of the game to watching a terrible and harrowing injustice happening in slow motion.
The footballing world is figuratively alight with anticipation and pundits everywhere are polishing their convoluted analogies.
Chelsea has not yet responsed to the revelation that, when queried about his tactics, Everton's manager divulged "we will indeed be using a ball."
Today's game is sure to be one comprised entirely of football.
