England Beat Belarus (At Football)

England have beaten Belarus in a negligible World Cup qualifier.

Although fans in England seemed happy for their national team to win 3-0, amongst all the rhapsodic celebration it is easy to forget that a less fortunate team has lost 3-0 today as well.

In the name of understanding and with a sombre empathy we have a duty to feel the same searing sense of loss that the Belorussian fans are currently feeling at the bottom of their post-Soviet hearts.

In fact, the knowledge that a kind and noble team has conceded three goals to an over-funded, underachieving, imperial überdog is so blankly depressing that the joy of England's sarcastic win does not prove adequate remedy.

Man of The Match David Beckham told us that: "The real winners were the sponsors."

How true David, how blissfully true.