Submitted by Paul Cowey on 28 October 2009 - 3:18pm
Manchester United’s all-powerful ruler Sir Alex Ferguson is set to be banished to the ‘football wilderness’ by the Football Association after a series of indiscretions, culminating in Sir Alex making a referee cry after a recent football match.
He will be cast out into the wilderness without any sort of navigation system, and will have to find his way back before sunset on the following day if he is to regain his throne at United.
It is not known what lies in store for Sir Alex in the football wilderness, but it is believed to be a land of many dangers. He will not be the first go here, although he will be in a minority if he ever makes it back.
Former West Ham and Northern Ireland midfielder Steve Lomas spent some time in the football wilderness during the mid-90’s before re-emerging in 1998, and he has not been the same since.
“I have not been the same since” said Lomas, a solitary tear rolling down his pale face, “The things I saw there. No man should have to see that. And the loneliness, it was nearly the end of me so it was.”
Manchester United remain confident that Sir Alex will return, citing the horsemanship and weaponry skills he learnt whilst training for his knighthood as the ideal tools to help him through the ordeal. However, outsiders fear that, at 68, Ferguson’s diminished speed and agility may count against him.
The future of one of football’s most Scottish characters hangs in the balance, and will doubtless be the subject of much speculation in the coming days.
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