3D/ Celebrity Paedophile Execution

I like Channel 4, OK? Some may think I'm an idiot for doing so because Stewart Lee or someone has bashed it for its sheer ridiculousness. That's precisely why I like it. Fair enough, alot of it's shows are utter shit but there is a time where it dumps a mammoth gem-encrusted turd, which makes it great. They are the last hope of free speech we seem to have left. The channel are constantly under fire from the ominous OFCOM, and they don't really care. Their edgy programme runs way past the barrier and waves its cock at those within it.

This or last month, the channel ran a special 'race' season of programming. Which would - according to the Head of Diversity at Channel 4 - provoke some discussion in an area that was often hot-footed around. Nice idea. However, I think it may have made it worse for those who watched The Event: How Racist Are You? which came to the brilliant conclusion that ALL white people are racists. (They don't mean proper racist, they mean subconsciously). After seeing that, I doubt many white people went to work the next day, went to one of their black colleagues and said, "So, you're black, fancy a chat about that?". But you never know.

That aside, Channel 4 have often made television history. Not always positively, but history nonetheless. They aired the controversial yet brilliant Brass Eye Paedophilia Special in 2001, aswell as the 2007 series of Celebrity Big Brother (perhaps not intentionally). Now they're making more history with a week of 3D programming. As I write, I have returned from my local Sainsbury's with a pair of 3D glasses for the week. The week will begin with The Queen, never-before-seen archive footage that will be broadcast directly in your face.

Also (at this point, I should mention, my source of information comes from the small paragraph located on the inside of my glasses), there will be loads of "awesome" films and concerts in 3D. And, of course, TV's great magic man, Derren Brown, will be "leaping from your screen" and probably fiddling with our brains.

"...and you literally won't be able to miss our countdown of TV's greatest 3D moments". That's a fairly sinister statement. I LITERALLY won't be able to miss it? Will we all be forced to watch it? Is Derren Brown going to glue us down again? See, already it's provoking intrigued questions. Channel 4, you sneaky bastards. "Just make sure you wear these exclusive and fairly nifty spectacles..." Yeah, thanks for telling me, I thought my eyes would be able to make the 3D effect on their own.

Not only is there a week of all this 3D stuff going on, Channel 4 have beautifully decided to throw in a celebrity death scenario in the form of The Execution of Gary Glitter which airs tonight. I was quite disappointed to discover that that will not be in 3D. The twisted part of me would quite like to see Garys body swinging at my face and have me batting it away like a swingball. It seems that the show will imagine Britain with a legalised death penalty, and use Glitter as its first one. Of all the criminals in the world, they chose Glitter for a test drive. That's fair, to be honest, he's not been doing much lately apart from hiding and molesting. He isn't going to make a good song (arguably, he never did) so we may as well kill him.

I hope it becomes a series of celebrity fantasised executions. Next week: Morrissey followed by an emotional episode featuring Adam Sandler. Gok Wan could do the executions, in true Channel 4 fashion. Saying "Gokalicious" before pulling the lever to release the trap door. I'm quite worried that a special of Gok's show will air during the week and he will poke his head out of the screen with a pistol and tell me to get naked. OH OH, they could execute Russell Brand. Not for comedic purposes, I just think he's a cunt.

Sorry, I let my mind wonder....