Celebrity Big Brother 2010

Yeah, sorry I've been away, I've been doing things with my life. But I'm back now, so stop crying.

There hasn't been much on television between The X Factor and now for me to really poke holes in like a sneering grouch. Well, I'm lying really, there's been plenty. For one, Piers Morgan 'reviewed the year' in his own very unique style of praising the heroes of the year in a way that still made him seem like a wanker. He never ceases to amaze me.

As well as that, ITV commissioned another blissful Saturday night entertainment show called 'Take Me Out' hosted by Patrick McGuinness (who isn't very good, but don't tell him that, it might upset him). It's basically a dating show littered with innuendos. I'm terrible with innuendos, I tend to verbalise what it is they're implying. For example, "I love a man who can work with his hands", my response is, "hahaha she wants to be fisted". Of course, the whole show hurts to watch, it's as romantic as vomiting blood into a bubble bath.

But, those shows have been viewed briefly and hatefully, not enough for me to carry a whole one of these out for. I have - however - been watching Celebrity Big Brother. Yep. That. This year it's all very lovely, everyone is getting along, there have been brief arguments, but no real hate. Although that seems disappointing to the average sadist, the series does have it's share of odd characters as usual.

My favourite has to be Stephen Baldwin. He has now been evicted before he had the chance to tear Alex Reid's internal organs out and throw them at the wall whilst reciting Psalms. I'm not saying that all Christians are blood-thirsty freaks, but Baldwin accompanied his bible-spouting with a murderer's tint. For one, his smile, it stretched beyond the lips slightly, a bit like The Joker. He also spoke in hushed whispers, like he's trying to put them all to sleep and then have some fun. But I'm sure he's lovely really. (Keep away from him).

Other than him, there isn't really anyone I like in there. Vinnie Jones is probably the most notable face in there. I hate Vinnie. I've always hated Vinnie. Everything he does is pointless and shit. Katie Price's former and current cock are in there, Dane Bowers and Alex Reid respectively. Alex spends a lot of his time pulling the same face like he's just smelt a fart. Dane gets bored and is often told to do stuff by trees. Bless him.

Let's not forget everyone's favourite Eurodance producer and singer etc. etc. etc. Basshunter. Or as I call him - BassCUNTer, because I'm really witty. I don't like the music he makes, but as a person, he seems nice enough. He hasn't done anything irritating to me. Apart from being tall and handsome. What. A bastard. Then people like Nicola T who is famous for being fit init. Ivana Trump, wife of Top. Sisqo, who makes tunes or something, I don't care.

Then there's Michael Barrymore. Oh shit, wrong series. I'll go now.