Big Brother 2009 'Ends'

A 'nice pair of breasts' have won Big Brother. They won out over pathos, vulnerability, ethics, kindness, charm and intelligence to earn the distinction of being low-grade tabloid fodder.

That society values breasts so much might initially seem alarming, until you realise that Big Brother is no more an accurate reflection of society than Jeremy Kyle is an accurate reflection of lucidity.

The winner; Sophie, who has announced that her dream is to become "the next Jordan," is probably not a bad person, she is just riding the Limbic gravy train and who can blame her.

So, Big Brother has selected a winner, depopulated the house, put Davina (No Mum, you IDIOT!) McCoke into hibernation and ejaculated the last creamy droplets of pseudo-untertainment into the primary-coloured pseudo-untertainment rags which crave its bukakke goodness.

This surely means that it has ended.

No? Well the show has been cancelled and there is only one more series left to run so next year it will, once and for all, finally be over. No?

No.

Big Brother, once born, can never end; it is like splitting the atom. Endemol are effectively the Manhattan Project and the way in which they have used Big Brother to subtly dilute our cognitions and corrupt our entertainment absorption habits is tragic.

Furthermore its aptonymic irony is staggering. George Orwell would be proud.

Proud or afraid.. Probably afraid.