Submitted by Dani Nicci on 4 June 2009 - 4:06pm
Series 10 of the reality nursery show Big Brother is almost upon us and will once again dominate news headlines, television schedules, radio broadcasts, magazine covers and eye-wateringly dull conversation this summer.
The contestants are expected to be uniformly loud, aggressive, confrontational and self-aggrandising with no redeeming qualities save for their sporadic on-screen breakdowns.
Challenges awaiting the contestants this year include attempting to survive a bloody gauntlet of bitter public resentment, viciously accurate rumours of impotence, idiocy and mediocrity by the media and an angry placard-waving mob led by a crazed Davina McCall.
Channel 4 producers plan to combat the show's reputation for stupidity by offering contestants the chance to sit their G.C.S.E.s while in the house. Hopes are high that the participants will then be able to make some small retribution to society for their existence upon release from the televised asylum.
More people are expected to vote for their favourite Big Brother contestant this summer than will vote in the local elections taking place around the country today.
And that is why democracy is struggling to survive, semi-naked cretins are admired more than intellectuals and nobody is really happy anymore.
Except the Daily Mail, which thrives on misery.
