Cheating? Tiger Would

Tiger Woods has begun his inevitable descent from patriarch to pariah by eagerly mounting the deviant zip-wire of infidelity.

The full-time golf-club operator has made a mockery of the institution of marriage, indulging in a string of dubious affairs with the sorts of women who appear wearing soulless smiles on the glossy wet covers of society bragazines.

Affairs are obviously not allowed within the framework of a loving relationship because humans, being animals that theoretically mate for life, use exclusive sexual access as a contract for the advancement of emotional stability.

Tiger has also crashed a car into a fire hydrant in retaliation. The fire hydrant is an American Invention which never took off in Britain due to the fact that, as a small island nation, we are never more than several yards from an increasingly codless sea.

Saluting the prescience of Blake, deriding the absolutism of the tabloid media and resenting the omniscience of shit golf puns.

Now lets leave the mildly curious man alone and focus on more important things.