Seven Dwarves Adapted for Drug-Loving 21st Century Britain

Inter-generational disillusionment is now so pronounced that classics must be re-adapted for every new generation that drags its muddied self from the under-soil of time and non-committedly decides to make a half-arsed stab at life.

Tim Burton is about to release his cinema adaptation of Alice in Wonderland; the classic hallucinogeneric book by Lewis Carroll (who incidentally was a massive paedophile.)

Tim Burton will be reiterating the fact that nothing is real and rabbit holes lead to wonderment in cinemas across the country soon. If you are in any doubt about the nature of reality then either check it out or check yourself in.

Whichever seems most appropriate.

We here at Scunt, meanwhile, have received exclusive news detailing Burton's next project.

He is currently penning a post-post-modern re-imagining of the Grimm classic; Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, which will be set in modern-day England.

Snow White will play a drug dealer named Terry, and the Seven Dwarfs will be renamed to more suit the current day, white, small town, urban England setting of the film.

Leaked studio documents suggest that the dwarfs will be crassly named Cokey, Smokey, Pikey, Chavy, Wanky, Spunky and Cock, although this is yet to be confirmed and is still, at this point, conjecture.

The name we most object to is 'Cock.' Does Burton really think that dwarf penises are funny?

Let's hope to Allah that he does not.