Submitted by Dom Doze on 30 May 2009 - 1:00pm
Social networking website Twitter has been savaged by tabloid scientists today for being "downright deadly."
One Twitter user is so badly affected that he will now spend his whole life unable to construct sentences which are more than 140 characters long; the maximum length of any given Twitter message.
As a result he is often unable to order a salad with his meal, having used up all of his available letters explaining how he would like his steak cooked.
He has found it necessary to abbreviate words which are not abbreviateable in order to squeeze his sentiment into the required length, angering linguists and grammarists in the process.
Several other people have been found screaming the word RETWEET in wild elation every time that they hear something which they find agreeable. One of these people was ejected from a cinema in Cambridge during a screening of Armando Iannucci's latest film.
We spoke to Professor Retweet about the risks involved in Twittering and he told us, "when Twitter finally takes over, the living will envy the dead."
Quite a concern and one which we must act upon. If you are a Twitter user then please take heed, and warn your other Twitter friends of the dangers.
Just make sure you do so in less than 140 characters or they WILL NOT UNDERSTAND YOU.
Abridged conversation has never been so dangerous.
