X Factor: Worse Than Death?

19 million people watched the X Factor grand finale last night and saw a human person out-sing another human person.

Or in other words, 19 million people have completely given up on both love and life, and now wait for the warm embrace of death in the most soiled, unclean and obscene way possible.

Something must be done. Not firing squads per se, but surely something analogous.

Simon Cowell, who's party trick roughly consists of using his 'nasty guy' persona to mask the fact that he is actually a genuinely nasty guy, is said to be enjoying his current role as 'plebeian social euthanizer' and has released a press statement which consists of nothing but cold silence, punctuated by occasional static and the sound of gunfire slowly killing a litter of puppies.

Meanwhile, Cheryl Cole, who one can only assume would have been a willing conductor of medical experiments during the Nazi years is said to be feeling equally pleased.

Estimated viewing figures and statistics are flying around the Internet like an immigrant stowed away in the undercarriage of a 747 and it would be easy for us to repeat these numbers had the relevant browser tabs not been closed in anger.

Anger or dejection.

Anger, dejection, or a growing sense of lucid depression that can only end in one of two ways. Alone in a darkened room or loudly in a crowded shopping centre.

Only time and future series will tell.